Oh hello Internet friends (or jut myself for now!) I figured something would be good for me to have some minimal accountability on this journey. Not accountability for weight loss, perfection, a perfect size, etc – but for maintenance, acceptance, peace of mind, and happiness.

My goal over Summer 2017 is to learn to enjoy more, without the need to overindulge. It’s literally all balance.

Last summer I was in the best place I’ve ever been physically: 15 pounds less than I am now, working out. But I still wasn’t there mentally: I was rejecting complements, obsessed with my body and size, restricting everything, not prioritizing anything else, etc.

Now, I feel SO much better mentally, but with that I’ve slipped physically and heath wise. I’m back about 15 pounds up, I don’t feel even 80%, and that is a huge part of my balance. I don’t want to get back to that low low 152, but I feel so normal at 162-164 – where I was able to maintain for a year.

This all didn’t happen in the blink of an eye. I know why it happened. It was the hot bar meals, no weighing fatty dressings/cheeses, skipping the gym, late night meals, grazing, vending machine work trips. It wasn’t nothing, it’s never nothing, and I take full responsibility. So – enough about the past few months, that’s what it is and I can’t change the decisions I made. But I can think about tomorrow – and the day after that.

Tomorrow, Monday 5/15, I want to wake up like every other morning. Knowing that I am worth more than sneaking an extra snack. Think before I act, and insert that pause before I do anything that may hurt me. This never ending journey is HARD and there will be ebbs and flows. Tomorrow I will head to the gym, let out this built up stress, have nutritious meals, and write in here again. And we will continue and ride the wave.

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